The Spirit of Christmas (2005) TV-PG

The Spirit of Christmas (2005) TV-PG 

 

Tasked with Selling the Hollygrove Inn before the New Year, lawyer Kate (Jen Lilley, The Book of Esther) runs into problems when she meets the Inn's dashing and reclusive ninety-five year old ghost (Thomas Beaudoin, A Frosty Affair) who is confined to the Inn and cursed to be corporeal during the twelve days of Christmas.

Overall this ended up being an adorable supernatural love story with a dash of murder mystery built in.  Unfortunately, I found Lilley to be too soft and adorable to portray the tough and savvy lawyer she was supposed to be, and Beaudoin seemed stiff and stilted trying to act like a gentleman from the twenties, and not because of culture differences.  It was like he had trouble speaking formally.  And the actors portraying the other ghosts were terrible, like... high-school theater terrible.  Thankfully we do not see them often.

However, in the end it is a story worth seeing if you like romance.

As a maker's movie, it depends on what you're working on.  I got quite a bit done on the Christmas gift I've been knitting on.  It's a dialogue-rich movie, and the snowy countryside is not very distracting.  The period costumes in the flashbacks were bland.

Four out of five stars.  The acting needed work, even though the story was adorable and interesting.  Three laugh out loud moments; especially noteworthy was the break-up scene at the beginning.  One eye-roll when even I thought the romance was a little treacly.  At this price point, however, if you want to add to your holiday movies and round out your romance section, this is certainly a fine choice.  Available on Netflix, or on Amazon video

Shakespeare In Love (1998) R

 Shakespeare In Love (1998) R

 

In this wild imagining of Shakespeare's (Joseph Fiennes) days writing "Romeo and Juliet", William falls in love with Viola DeLesseppes  (Gwyneth Paltrow), a shop-keeper's daughter destined to wed Lord Wessex (Colin Firth).

Can a play show us the true nature of love?  That is the bet in this movie between the Queen and Lord Wessex.  Set in Shakespearean England, this tale takes us on a romantic journey between The Bard and Lady Viola.  She comes to him dressed as a boy, but her true nature is revealed, and thus begins the romance.

If you know Shakespeare, you will still be fascinated by the screen.  The costumes are amazing.  The twists between the everyday words, and his poetic translation into the play, are magical.

You know what?  Fuck it, it's a great movie.  Paltrow's accent doesn't even make me cringe, and that's saying something.

For makers, it depends on your discipline.  If you're a costume geek, you're going to be transfixed.  If you're a fan of the written word, you may still struggle, but it's easier to watch your hands.

Just watch it ladies.  And if your man has half a brain, he'll follow right along with you and love it, because that's what it's all about.  Love, and a journey.

At least seven laugh out loud moments.  You may drop your knitting needles during the fight scenes, especially towards the end.  Five stars.  Don't ask me to define them, but they're there.  And if you don't add this to your rom-com collection, you're fortune's fool.

The Rebound (2009) R

 The Rebound (2009) R

 

 

When she catches her husband cheating on her with a neighbor, a newly divorced Sandy (Catherine Zeta-Jones) finds herself in New York with two kids and no help.  She hires coffee shop clerk Aram (Justin Bartha) to be her nanny, but a romance soon develops and things get complicated.

I expected this to be either one of two things... that it would focus on the steamy sex, or be a treacly, preachy exploration of why a May-December romance with the woman being the older party is wrong.  I was pleasantly surprised to find out it was neither.  Instead it was an exploration of a love story that starts out with bad timing.

Another pleasant surprise is that there were many, many laugh out loud moments.  More than ten for me.  Sandy's first date after her divorce with the chiropractor (John Schneider) was hilariously cringe-worthy.  A couple of holy crap moments too, mostly related to her precocious and slightly outspoken children.

Four and a half out of five stars.  A movie is seldom perfect, but I could really relate to this one at this time in my life, and it comes darn close to being perfect.  Some comedic moments were slightly over the top, so I dinged it half a star.   If you want to add it to your shelf of Rom-Coms, the price point is pretty good and it's definitely worth a look.

Sliding Doors (1998) PG-13

 Sliding Doors (1998) PG-13

 

 

Helen (Gwyneth Paltrow) has been fired from her job at a swanky PR firm in London.  The simple closing of a train door determines her future, and we see both timelines play out.  Will she make it home in time to catch her cheating boyfriend Gerry?  Or will she be late, get mugged, and come home to a sympathetic Gerry who tries to turn over a new leaf?

Let's get the biggest problem out of the way first.  I don't like Paltrow's accent in this, at all.  I've heard her do it beautifully before in Shakespeare in Love, I just don't get why she sounds so awkward here.  Maybe it's modern vs. Shakespearean language, who knows?  It's off-putting at first, but once you get past it, this is a lovely film, especially for fans of time travel and stories about the effects of one random choice.

In both of Helen's timelines she crosses paths with James (John Hannah), a kind and funny man who seems to have a secret of his own.  I really can't say much more because the two timelines are so intertwined with similar events, that to spoil one is to spoil the other.

As a romantic comedy, it satisfies.  The two timelines are easily distinguished as we flip between them, so even a newbie would be able to follow.  As a maker's movie, it is also satisfactory, with swaths of witty dialogue that don't need to be seen to be appreciated.

Four out of five stars.  Maybe if Helen didn't say "bollocks" quite so often, Paltrow's accent wouldn't be nearly so off-putting.  As it stands, that's what dinged it one star for me.  An excellent film to add to your shelf of date movies at this price point.

Ghosts of Girlfriends Past (2009) PG-13

Connor Mead  (Matthew McConaughy) is a fashion photographer who breaks hearts in the manner he was taught by his uncle Wayne (Michael Douglas), a now-deceased famous international playboy and ladies' man.  When he meets up with his childhood sweetheart Jenny (Jennifer Garner) at his little brother's wedding, and he ruins everything, he is visited by three ghosts... girlfriends past, present, and future.

I didn't intend for this to be a theme this week, yet thanks to a roommate, once again we are revisiting the classic Charles Dickens tale, but this time with a romantic twist.  Instead of chastising him for his treatment of all mankind, he's being taught a lesson for how he treats women and the value of true love.

As a crafter's movie, it's excellent.  Dialogue-rich, you can pay plenty of attention to your current project.  The humor, and the well-researched trips back to the 80's and 90's make it interesting and amusing.  The only problem I had with it was that this man was so deeply, unashamedly using women for his own hedonistic desires, I found his sudden turnaround very unbelievable.  Not all that behavior can be explained by a broken heart at a seventh grade dance and a debauched father figure.

Well, it's entertainment.  Maybe I should just try to let it go.  Four out of five stars.  Their extended love story is cute, and ultimately endearing.  I just wish they hadn't blamed a young girl for his lifetime spent on the crappy treatment of women.

Scrooged (1988) PG-13

 Scrooged (1988) PG-13

 

Bill Murray is a lonely, bitter TV executive who schedules a live version of Dicken's A Christmas Carol on Christmas eve.  He is visited by three brutally honest ghosts who show him the true meaning of Christmas.

If you can't watch Sir Patrick Stewart in the classic-style enactment of the original A Christmas Carol, then this is an excellent substitute.  I say watch both, but you may not have the time.  Filled with slapstick comedy and Bill Murray's usual surreal improvised bits, this is an hilarious re-imagining of the classic with an upbeat ending.

For the knitters out there, it's not bad if you're struggling to get your knitted gifts finished before the big day.  While there are some action sequences and tender moments that should be watched, there are some dialogue-heavy scenes that are helpful if you need to watch your hands while you work.

Plenty of laugh out loud moments, especially when Carole Kane makes her appearance as the ghost of Christmas Present.  You may drop your needles for the action when Elliot takes a shotgun into the office, but otherwise this is an excellent film.  The effects may be a bit dated, but the sentiment behind the story is real, and fitting with the holiday season.

It's on sale for black Friday at a steal of a price point.  Yule love it.

Independence Day: Resurgence (2016) PG-13

 Independence Day: Resurgence (2016) PG-13 

Twenty years to the day after their first incursion, the aliens are back, and this time they've brought their queen.  Will Smith (Actor), Jeff Goldblum (Actor), Roland Emmerich (Director)

As a sequel this movie did a lot of things it was supposed to do... it retained the spirit and emotional resonance of the first, it included as many of the previous actors as was feasible, and did call-backs to memorable moments.  They even included another scene with a dog in peril.

The problem with this is that the original was also glossy and skimmed the surface.  With so many characters and sequences of events, there is no depth.  The script does a fantastic job with imparting a lot of details about these people and their lives, but I challenge you to care about just one of them in anything more than just a superficial way.  The guy gets a date with the Chinese pilot.  The bureaucrat learns to fight.  The two pilots reunite at the end, and Levinson's dad gets to kvetch.  Do we care?  Meh.

If you enjoyed the first movie, you will enjoy the second movie... there is no question.  However if you're looking for a movie that makes you think, or might change or inspire the world, this isn't it... and sometimes that's okay.

Ten laugh out loud moments mostly from snappy comebacks, one holy crap moment, and a ground-breaking combination eyeroll and lol moment when Jake takes a piss on the aliens' deck.  As a diversion, I guess it worked.

It has stunning visuals reminiscent of the first film, and even after twenty years the aliens are as creepy as ever.  I just wish I cared about the people that populate the film just a tad more.  Four stars, eh... three and a half.

Point Break (2015) PG-13

A pro dirt-bike daredevil quits the circuit after the death of his riding partner and joins the FBI just in time to catch a batch of eco-terrorist criminals who rob and pillage American companies around the globe.

They kept all the character names, and tried to preserve the adrenaline junkie spirit of the original film (and the scene where Utah shoots his gun in the air in frustration.  Why?  Who knows?) but in the end this film left me feeling flat and uninterested most of the time.  Maybe it's because the actors are younger, but I had a hard time telling most of Bohdi's crew apart.  They kept all the nicknames... Roach, Grommet, Chowder... but all played by Venezualans.  What?

Pappas was reduced from Gary Busey's amusing sidekick role in the original to a mere prop with a french accent in this remake, which I found annoying.  Utah's floppy hair and extreme ink made me struggle to take him seriously as an agent in law enforcement, and the only highlights for me really were some of the gorgeous scenery and the appearance of Teresa Palmer who I recently enjoyed in Warm Bodies.

As a crafter's movie, however, this was pretty good.  I found my knitting energized during the extreme sports sequences, although the chase and gunplay scenes tended to make me pause.  Try to do your crafting without looking at your hands, or you'll miss some amazing vistas.  As a film I give this about three stars.  Not terrible, but definitely not the best... and certainly no replacement for the original.  But if you enjoy sports films or extreme sports in general, this is not a bad thing to have running in the background while you make something.

Point Break (1991) R

An up and coming FBI hotshot is tasked with infiltrating a bank robbery crew comprised of surfers, and he gets a lot more than he bargained for.

A baby-faced Keanu Reeves (Bill and Ted's Excellent Adventure, John Wick) and hirsute Patrick Swayze (Dirty Dancing) star in this undercover action flick that seems to have been written for adrenaline junkies. You've got your stereo-typical screaming cop-boss, the aging partner (Gary Busey) who does things the old way and is close to retirement, and the pair of agents who share your stakeout that hate your guts.  Throw in the 80's/90's near-seeming requirement to flash boobs for an R rating, and it's your classic cop movie from my era.  Pair it up with Eddie Murphy's Beverly Hills Cop and Richard Dreyfuss' Stakeout and you've got a classic triple feature.

For makers this is an okay film, as there are stretches of dialogue and research that don't need your eyes to be enjoyed, but you will drop your needles for the skydiving and car chase scenes.  Possibly also the surfing, as the water is beautiful.

One eye roll when Reeves is earnestly trying to win over Lori Petty and a laugh out loud moment when he tells his boss he takes the skin off chicken.  Four and a half stars, but that may be nostalgia talking.  When this movie was new in theaters and dinosaurs roamed the earth I always felt it was written for adrenaline junkie thrill seekers and not meant to be enjoyed by a larger audience.  I've warmed to it in recent years.

Fantastic if you want to craft to something that reminds you of your glory days, or want some pretty scenery to look at.

TV Review - Timeless - Season 1: Pilot

 

 

A history professor (Abigail Spencer), a Special Forces soldier (Matt Lanter), and a computer programmer (Malcolm Barrett) travel back in time to stop a terrorist from changing life as we know it.

A new time-travel series from producers Eric Kripke (Supernatural) and Shawn Ryan (The Shield) attempts to explore American history and the events that shaped our country.  It's not as technologically deep as Continnuum, but it's also not as preachy about big corporations, so it's a trade-off.  I found the pilot to be a bit bland, although there were some funny moments.  Big eye-roll moment with the insertion of modern pop-culture references (a bit too Back to the Future) but I enjoyed exploring the events of the Hindenburg, and only wish they'd gone more into depth on that, and less into the fictional characters they populated the era with.

After the initial scenes with a bit of German and subtitles, this is an excellent show to knit to, as the time-travel aspects (so far) aren't too complex to track.  It feels more like an excuse to do period action scenes than an actual exploration of history.

As I am a sucker for all things time-travel, I will give this a few episodes to get going.  Right now it's sitting at a solid three and a half stars.  A hand-to-hand combat scene in the kitchen of the Hindenburg is all well and good, but it doesn't make up for the rather banal beginning.  At $20 for a pre-order of the season though, you're hard-pressed to find that many future hours of entertainment at that price.

Ghostbusters (2016) PG-13

 Four women who are passionate about the science behind ghosts band together to stop a maniacal fanatic bent on breaking through the veil and releasing ghosts into our plane.

The '80s classic Ghostbusters gets a facelift in this re-imagined version that pays fair tribute to the spirit of the original.  When I heard about the gender swap, I was skeptical.  When I heard Chris Hemsworth was going to be the receptionist, I rolled my eyes, and while some parts of his role were certainly cringe-worthy, in the end the whole amalgamation of parts came together in a fun, enjoyable film.

The spirits themselves were very reminiscent of those in the original film, but the graphics were of course up to date.  The general design continually called back to the source, but still had its own spin on everything.  And when Zuul was mentioned at the very, very, very end, I cheered.

So many laugh out loud moments I lost count.  A few holy crap moments for some jump scares and rather gross possession scenes.  I didn't even try to knit, as I was engaged from the very beginning.

And honestly ladies, it was worth the purchase just to see Hemsworth lead a choreographed group dance scene.  Yum.

If you're nostalgic about the original, you will not be disappointed in this remake.  Between the cameos by the original cast and the clever shout-outs (such as Slimer emerging with a mouth full of hot dogs) fans of the original should be whooping with recognition at every turn.  And at this price point it's a great addition to place on a shelf next to the others.

Clue (1985) PG

 Clue (1985) PG

 

Six strangers with blackmail-able secrets are invited to a mansion dinner party by the mysterious Mr. Boddy.  When people start dying, it's a matter of wits to find out who the killer is.

If this isn't considered a classic, it should be.  The comedic lineup is stellar with Martin Mull (WKRP), Madeline Kahn (Young Frankenstein, Blazing Saddles), Christopher Lloyd (Taxi, Back to the Future), Eileen Brennan (The Sting, Will & Grace), Michael McKean (This is Spinal Tap, Laverne and Shirly), and Tim Curry (IT, Rocky Horror Picture Show).

The movie is so iconic that it was paid homage as an episode of Psych, with several of the surviving cast members in re-imagined roles.

When released in theaters, there were three possible endings (and sets of killers), each locale (divided by time zone) receiving a different one.  When released on DVD, thankfully, all three endings were included.

This movie is rich with sharp, witty dialogue, but there are hilarious visual gags too numerous to mention here.  If this is your first viewing, I recommend putting the knitting needles down and taking it all in.  If you've seen it before, or like me have used this as a go-to background movie for several years (or decades) then by all means craft away.  You'll know when to look up.  Five stars, cannot be improved upon, and a must-have for any comedic collection.

Last Days on Mars (2013) R

 Last Days on Mars (2013) R

 

During the last two days of an extended tour in the dome complex on Mars, the crew of the Aurora 2 discover a deep-dwelling bacteria under the crust of the surface.

If you've ever argued with your buddies at a drunken 2 am about who would win, astronauts or zombies, this movie answers that question.  I avoided watching this movie, passing it by on my Netflix list for several months, after the pain and disappointment of Stranded, which gave birth to my eye roll count category it was so bad.  Thankfully I was very pleasantly surprised by this film.

Liev Schreiber (X-Men Origins: Wolverine), Elias Koteas (Collateral Damage) and Olivia Williams (Dollhouse, Man Up) make up half of the crew.  Their days are short, their tour is almost up, they're two weeks from retirement... blah blah blah you know the trope.  Then of course someone does something boneheaded and screws it up for everybody.

There is a reason why the space program weeds out people who break rules and don't follow protocols, people... because one guy screws it up and everybody has a very, very bad day.

One laugh out loud moment, and the rest of the time I was pretty much glued to the screen.  There is a bit of a slump when there's half an hour to go.  I don't know if it's because it's been non-stop tense from the beginning and that's the limit for me before I stop paying attention because I can't take the tension anymore, or if things truly slowed down.  I will say that despite my talking to the screen ("Why don't you headbutt him, you have a helmet on?!?") and the usual horror movie moments of "Don't go in there!  Don't split up!" there were no true eye roll moments for me.

If you loved Aliens or have a soft spot for zombie movies, you might find it hard to craft to this one.  It's not as intense as Gravity, but it's certainly a step up from Ghosts of Mars, which I enjoyed but found a bit campy.  Four and a half stars on this one, and the only improvement that would make it better would be to explain Schreiber's character's constant panic attacks throughout the film. They're represented by surreal visions of his time on the space station before coming on assignment from what I can gather, but early on in the film you're left wondering if he's seeing visions of the past, future, or being contacted by the as yet not revealed enemy via psychic means.

Solid viewing choice, and a nice addition to any sci-fi or zombie collection.

Vintage Tomorrows (2015) TV-14

 Vintage Tomorrows (2015) TV-14

 

This one-hour documentary is a brief examination of the steampunk movement and what it's all about.

Having read "The Parasol Protectorate" on the recommendation of a friend, this was a really interesting documentary for me, and not only because the author is interviewed in it, but also because it's a movie and movement about makers...  Creative, crafty people getting out there with their imaginations on fire and making things happen.

I think we've lost something by not encouraging every child to have at least one hands-on craft as a hobby, whether it's crochet, woodworking, or welding.  Everyone should be able to dream something and bring it into physical reality.  The people in this documentary don't just celebrate making... it's their lifestyle.

I gave this four stars, mostly because it seemed to almost hold one or two of the participants up for ridicule, and that was most definitely not in the spirit of the subject matter.  A couple of laugh out loud moments, and the story of the couple where the man wrote a three act steampunk play to propose to his now wife made me misty-eyed... worth a watch if you have an hour to sit down and make something.

Deep In The Darkness (2014) NR

 Deep in the Darkness (2014) NR

 

 

A city doctor (Sean Patrick Thomas, Save the Last Dance) and his family move to a rural town to take over a practice and escape city life.  The town harbors a generations-old secret that they find difficult to escape.  With Dean Stockwell (Quantum Leap) in a small role.

While I would normally go into the plot in more depth at this point, and explain what I liked and didn't like about this film, instead I'm going to explain why I'm giving it a single star.  They started out with my most-hated trope of all time, the How We Got Here trope, or what I call "Fourteen hours earlier...".  It's lazy writing, and in this case was kind of a spoiler for the ending, which would have been better served not being shown ahead of time.  Following that, the only reason it's even getting a single star is because the buildup of paranoia, and creepy vibe, is very well done... up to a point.  Unfortunately someone decided that bloody, gory, sexual dream scenes needed to be inserted very abruptly and unnecessarily.  The film was sufficiently horrifying enough before those were dropped in, and they actually ruined the slow building effect they had going.

Then when I realized that the whole film is a textbook case of big-city people's fears of a small town, with their local customs and quirks, I just shut down.  We've seen it before, in everything from Torchwood's episode "Countrycide" [sic] to Deliverance and a myriad of treatments in between.  Sure, we get the opposite of the spectrum, like Northern Exposure or Gilmore Girls, with their love-affairs with small town living, but people really do love to drag out the horror stories about small towns and their presumed "cults".  It's insulting.

The isolates were creepy, but once we're shown them fully and in bright light, they lose a lot of their terror and become curiosities.  Really gross curiosities.

One laugh out loud moment, one holy crap moment at the very end, and about three eye roll moments before I stopped ticking those off.  There were a dozen different choices they could have made that would have let me continue to enjoy this story, but they were not made.  The acting was all top-notch and felt sincere, it was just the subject matter and editing I had a problem with.

Only watch this if you're in the mood to see a figurative train-wreck.

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016)

Batman v Superman: Dawn of Justice (2016) 

 

Led astray by the machinations of a young Lex Luthor (Jesse Eisenberg), Bruce Wayne (Ben Affleck) fears the possible ramifications of a superhero with no oversight, and goes after Superman (Henry Cavill).  The hero of Gotham goes on a quest to find kryptonite to take down the Man of Steel.  Will the arrival of Diana Prince (Gal Gadot) show him the error of his thinking?

Where do I begin?  First, this movie is long.  Ridiculously long.  Don't get me wrong, I love superhero movies.  I am currently working my way through the Marvel universe for the third or fourth time, for fun, and I love it.  I also love the characters of Wonder Woman, Superman, and Batman, but this?  This movie does them all a grave disservice.

It is my opinion that DC has seen the success of Marvel, and is trying to play catch-up.  The problem is you canNOT jam the content of hundreds upon hundreds of issues of a comic into a single movie.  This movie was a chopped up mishmash of a thousand events that they tried to distill into a single script.  It cannot be done coherently.  It was NOT done coherently.  Watching the movie with a friend, who has read all the back issues of the comics related to these three characters and the Justice League, at several points we stopped, looked at each other, and said "What the heck is going on?".

If you're a crafter, and don't care whether or not you're following the story, this can be great... its noise and the occasional flashy bit of action to keep your brain occupied while your hands are occupied on something else.  Just be sure to set aside three (!) hours of uninterrupted time.  More if you have dogs or children who need to be fed.

I did not have any counts for this movie... I was so annoyed by Bruce Wayne's flashes of imagination to his future dystopia with Superman as an evil villain (all of which could have been cut... seriously) that I just couldn't muster any kind of response to anything on the screen.  No laugh out loud moments, no "holy crap!" moments, no dropping of the needles distracted by the action, and I couldn't even be bothered to count any eyeroll moments because the whole movie is one big one.  Even by the time Wonder Woman used her golden lasso, all I could muster up was an "Oh, neat." And she's my favorite super hero.

So thanks, DC.  You managed to let a very large group of people ruin her for me.  Two out of five stars for this movie.  And for the love of all that is good, don't waste your money on the 4k Ultra version.