Monday, August 31, 2015

Cockneys vs. Zombies (2012) NR

Michelle Ryan (Bionic Woman), Harry Treadaway (Honeymoon), Alan Ford (Snatch)

A pair of bumbling brothers decide to rob a bank when the old-age home their grandfather who raised them is living in goes into arrears.  What could go wrong?  Try the zombie apocalypse.

Thursday, August 27, 2015

The Breakfast Club (1985) R

Judd Nelson (Empire), Ally Sheedy (Short Circuit), Emilio Estevez(Freejack), Anthony Michael Hall (The Dark Knight), Molly Ringwald (Bad Night)

Five students spend a Saturday in the school library while serving detention.

And voted most changed in class is Anthony Michael Hall... who would have predicted what a beefy hunk he'd grow up to be?

Wednesday, August 26, 2015

Bad Hair Day (2015) TV-G

Laura Marano (Superbad), Leigh-Allyn Baker (Little Savages)

Disgraced cop Liz Morgan (Baker) and desperate-to-be-prom-queen senior Monica (Marano) discover they have to work together to foil the plans of a sneering jewel thief on prom night.

Tuesday, August 25, 2015

Battle Royale (2000) NR

Kateshi Kitano (Johnny Mnemonic)

In a fictional Japanese future, forty-two eighth grade students are drugged and dropped off on a remote island under the BR act to fight to the death until only one remains.


Monday, August 24, 2015

School of Rock (2003) PG-13

Jack Black (Nacho Libre), Joan Cusack (In & Out)

Rock band slacker Dewey (Black) is desperate for cash when a local prep school calls his roommate for a substitute teaching gig, so he takes his place.  The only problem is all he knows how to do is rock...

Thursday, August 20, 2015

John Mullaney: New In Town (2012) NR

My daughter plays a Japanese import game whose online community has a meme about John Mullaney, and apparently they have plagiarized 90% of this standup act in the process.  It's very difficult to review something on its entertainment merits when you have a seventeen year old shouting "Oh!  It's this one!" and quoting the entire thing, verbatim.

Despite this, and the cheesey 80's sitcom-style intro and outtro, this was a cute little standup routine. 

Wednesday, August 19, 2015

The Decoy Bride (2011) PG

David Tennant (Fright Night), Kelly Macdonald (Brave), James Fleet (Outlander (series))

When a Hollywood starlet is looking for a remote location away from the papparazzi
to have her wedding and chooses a tiny island of the Hebrides, things go awry when the press follows her anyway.

This movie isn't really about the bride.

Tuesday, August 18, 2015

A Girl Walks Home Alone At Night (2014) NR

A dismal oil town gets even worse when a young vampire girl starts wandering the streets at night.

If "Near Dark" and "Requiem For A Dream" went on vacation in 1950's Paris, got pregnant and had the baby at home somewhere in the middle east, this movie would be that baby.

Atmospheric black and white in Persian with subtitles, it was depressing and dark.  Maybe I would have understood some of the nuances a little better if I was more familiar with the culture, but I did find the visual comparison between the traditional vampire cloak and a woman's hijab interesting.

There is a trench on the edge of town filled with corpses.  And clearly, there are no police.  There are vast class differences, yet they all seem to party together.

If you prefer to slowly experience a world as conceived by the director through tone and ambiance, then you will enjoy this film.  Unfortunately I found it too slowly paced and slightly boring.  As a film for knitters, you might be okay... even with the subtitles, it is long-paced enough that you will have ample stretches of time to stitch while waiting for dialogue.


As for my usual  counts, there was only one eye roll moment at the drug dealer and his stereotypical bachelor pad.  Where does he go hunting for animal head trophies, exactly?

Don't take offense if you loved this film... I am the same way with books.  I hate exposition and prefer lots of dialogue.  Subtle looks and smoke-filled rooms only take me so far.  If I can't tell what a character wants, and how it's trying to achieve it even when the film is almost over, then I'm not happy.

I gave this movie three out of five stars.  I don't need my vampires to move fast for me to enjoy the film, but I found this girl to be a complete mystery right up until the end, and that bothered me.  Perhaps you'll like her better.

Monday, August 17, 2015

Kill Me Three Times (2014) R

Simon Pegg (Paul), Bryan Brown (F/X), Alice Braga (Elysium), Teresa Palmer (I Am Number Four)

A killer for hire gets caught up in multiple threads of revenge and betrayal in this black comedy.

By the time you finish watching this film, you will have watched parts of it four times.  It jumps around to different viewpoints, adding different details, culminating in a predictable happy (ish) ending and a bad punchline.

Thursday, August 13, 2015

The Mirror (2014) NR

Jemma Dallender (I Spit On Your Grave 2), Joshua Dickinson (Holby City), Nate Fallows (Viking Quest)

Three flatmates buy a purportedly haunted mirror on eBay with the goal of proving the existence of the paranormal for a million dollar cash prize.

Wednesday, August 12, 2015

Bill Burr: I'm Sorry You Feel That Way (2014) NR

A Netflix original.

Standup comedian Bill Burr covers a lot of hilarious territory, including sex, religion, parenting, gun ownership, adoption, and marriage.

Tuesday, August 11, 2015

Monday, August 10, 2015

Tactical Force (2011) R

Steve Austin (The Expendables), Michael Shanks (Elysium, Stargate SG1), Lexa Doig (Continuum, Andromeda), Steve Bacic (The 6th Day, Supernatural)

A disgraced S.W.A.T. team on disciplinary training maneuvers ends up in the middle of a gangster shootout over a hidden item with nothing but training rounds and their wits.

Thursday, August 6, 2015

Hellgate (2010) NR

Cary Elwes (The Princess Bride), William Hurt (Altered States)

A businessman and his family get in a car accident on a trip to Thailand.  When he awakes from a coma to find his family dead, he discovers he can see ghosts.

Wednesday, August 5, 2015

The Phoenix Project (2015) NR

Corey Rieger (Out of the Furnace), Andrew Simpson (Heathens and Thieves), David Pesta (Creed), Orson Ossman (Life Inside Out)

Four young scientists come together to work on a machine that could possibly re-animate the dead.

Tuesday, August 4, 2015

They Live (1988) R

Roddy Piper (Hell Comes to Frogtown), Keith David (Platoon), Meg Foster (Masters of the Universe)

A drifter looking for work finds a place in a homeless camp on the outskirts of town.  When he finds a unique pair of sunglasses that reveals aliens all around him, he decides there's more to life than just surviving.

Monday, August 3, 2015

The Reunion (2011) PG-13

John Cena (The Marine), Ethan Embry(Late Phases), Boyd Holbrook(Gone Girl)

Three half-brothers are brought together by their father's will which stipulates that they have to work together to receive their inheritance.  Their idea for a family business?  Tracking down a kidnapped Wall Street tycoon for the reward money.